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Thursday, December 22, 2005
Father went to jail when i'm 8 yrs old. All left for us is those loanshark. My mum told them he went to jail, dun believe go check it out. It have been alot of times they came, not one, but many. After weeks of persuading, they finally gave up. No more loansharks, no more owing of money. Finally, i'm out of darkness, i thought. But looking at my door, it's so horrible. There's red, green, blue, yellow and black. I don't have the courage to even walk to the door. I don't dare to touch it. A 8 yrs old kid, living in this house, so tough. Went to prison with my aunt to visit father, he said: "I'll promise u i won't gamble again when i come out." And i told him: "If u ever get in again, i won't come and visit u again." I hoped he kept his promise just like how i am.
To Be Continued...
i hurt her. siyin.my mummy. im sry. i made u feel sad. sry sry sry. today while working, suddenly feeling down. y? im not sure, maybe it's becoz of something about my past. i hav never been feeling down for such a long time. and now it happens. Whenever it happens, i doesn't have the mood to talk to anyone. I don't giv a damn about my surrounding, not a single piece of shit i care. haiz..my past? well, i finally noe tat i still like her. but i can't bring up the courage to tell her. I don't know how. I felt..if she were to be wif mi, there will not be happiness. This is wad i felt. i can't accompany her always, i got to work, for my income, my mum and this house. I need to keep working OT to have enff money for myself. haiz.. Fm933 said: "unhappiness put aside and continue to live on with happiness." 1 question, how? by juz this word, im unable to overcome it. how, how am i able to continue and how am i able to put it aside the unhappiness? u think it's tat easy? u can onli keep it from others, but not putting it aside, coz it cant be left aside...
i regret not telling her tat time tat i like her, she asked mi i still like her, my reply was, i dunno. kinda regret. i told my mummy, i cant forget her, i still like her but i dun dare to say..no courage. my mummy gave mi a few advises and finally, i dare to tell her. i msged her.no replies. thinking whether her hp was confiscated again. hoped it's not..waited and waited and waited, still no replies. kinda upset. went to play dota at cwp lan shop wif my buddies after work. haiz..while playing halfway, i received sms! open it up, it's mummy. i thought it's her. haiz..didnt really hav the mood to reply, but well, she's my mummy, i got to reply her. i put up a happi face when playing, but im not happi deep inside. she did not reply. after playing, it's 830pm. mummy msged mi, said need my help, i wondered. wad help..so i asked..erm, this one ma..confidential. sry ah guys. mama! wish ya luck, dun upset le! when u r better le hope u can share wif mi. i dun mind sharing sorrow wif ya but i wish tat can share happiness wif u^^
i wan to noe her answer, i wanna noe if i hav chance. i juz wanna noe the truth. i noe it will be hurtful if the truth is not wad i wan. but i dun mind, it's better than be kept in the dark rite? hope i can get an answer. all this months cant get her out of my mind.
``\\ Loving you is all bout mE //``
