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Saturday, January 21, 2006
hav been working lately till quite late than reach home and tired so didnt blog for days. or maybe weeks. today i blog coz i went home early.
as topic wrote, break down. so i shall tok about break down. break down not by vehicles or speed of movement but break down of a person emotions/feelings. a person tend to break down due to shattering of heart into small pieces by something which hurt them deeply. And for this, nth can mend this broken heart back onli one thing which can be done to mend it back is to say "i love you" this 3 words to the person whom u hurt deeply. but i noe tat this very phrase will not ever come out from ur very own mouth coz there are things which had been set as FATE and no one can change FATE but onli FATE to change FATE. Although there are rejections in different ways, methods or etc, its oso rejection rite? and it onli takes a matter of time for u to understand the meaning behind it for some rejection is not as obvious as u think it were. For me, being able to finally noe the answer to it, hav been broken down by it. Why do i feel break down? its becoz wad u hav done, the ways u treated me, the things u hav done for mi, it's all makes mi feel so gd, so happi and it actually makes mi like u bit by bit and slowly, in love wif u. but wif juz one sms of urs, makes mi lost all this feelings, the joy we had together, the sadness we had shared and the help we gave to each others. Love is unfair, but i must make it fair. This sms hurts mi very deeply. im really speechless when u told mi this but yet i managed to reply u, "i will keep a distance from u from now on and dun worry coz i finally noe wad u mean by it." u told mi, ur ex told u this as well and i dunno wad to reply u. 1hr later, u msged mi again asking y i reply so slow. If it was u, will u noe wad to reply? For me, i dunno wad to reply u and i dun hav the mood to. You oso asked mi wad am i doing? u expected mi to tell u, i'm slping wif tears clinging on my eyes and overheard my mum toking to 2nd aunt saying tat the money left for mi to use at 21yrs old she gonna take it out and spend it? and left penniless for me? do u really expect mi to say tat to u? and guess wad. this week pay i got $380. she took $180 for herself and i owe her $50 for eating becoz she took most of my pay for months left mi very little to spend. and i onli manage to pay her $20 which i left wif $180 for mi to eat and buy new yr clothes. The food i needa spend on is $4 per day and i juz bought jeans, jacket, shirts for $90. My ez-link is adult fare and one day expenses on it is $5. how am i able to live on liddat? i needa borrow money from one of my buddy to eat. Can u imagine having this mother? Took money from ur pay and say no money can borrow from her. WAD KIND OF FUCKING MOTHER IS THIS! I'm seriously unable to tolerate her anymore, and all the things which is happening. i dunno who i can confront to, whom i can really trust, believe in. It seems like there's doesnt really hav a gd listener for mi to confront to.
What i had wrote is all a joke. LOL! kinda stupid but i hav nth to do. =]
``\\ Loving you is all bout mE //``
