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Thursday, February 16, 2006
today working was smsing wif her. and suddenly she didnt reply mi for 2hrs. i called her up and she curp my fone. dunno wad happened. and i called again and she did the same. i smsed her again and she didnt reply. then when i reached home i called again. same thing.. and i smsed to ask if anything happened..no reply. and so i recalled wad i did which makes her dun wanna answer my call or reply mi. but i dunno wad i did wrong. so i juz apologise to her if i did anything wrong. she replied mi saying she was feeling down and therefore didnt wanna answer my call or reply me. i asked her wad happened? she juz tells mi "coz of certain reasons." so i told her when we meet up liao than we tok bout it. but she didnt say anything bout it. so i asked her..she said nth.. dun wanna force her..so i didnt ask anymore..she told mi she ignore my call coz she dun wanna trouble mi.. and i had told her alot of times, if there's any prob juz tell mi. i will help her in any ways i could. she replied, not feeling gd ma.. i asked her y dun feel gd? she said coz we r onli frens.
she said sry to mi..i asked y? she told mi she scare she will fall for him(a flirt which she told mi). but wad can i do? i seriously dunno wad to do..so i juz tell her tat i hope she wont regret it.. and she said if she were to regret, she dun wanna get into anymore bgr. then wad for be wif him? i dun understand..i really dun understand.. been wif a flirt is far more better than a person who cares bout u? always wif u when u're down? be there for u even when he dun mind going out late at nite juz to noe u're safe? accompany u till late nights everyday juz to hope u aint bored doing hw? helped u do ur hw when u hav so much hw to do and unable to finish? accompany u whenever u asked for, and didnt reject even once? and wad had he done for u? flirt wif u? haiz.. so i asked her 2questions, one: am i such a failure tat i did so much n yet unable to make u like me? and two: y u doesnt wan mi to giv up? if the answer is something hurtful, it will be hard to see the cheerful mi again..
i told my mum not to disturb mi by writing a note and left it on table. locked my door now alone inside my dark room. smsed to my colleague and told him to tell my supervisor tat im not going to work tml. i juz wan some time alone..
its has been so many times when im feeling down, everyone seems to be avoiding mi..when they hav prob, im always there for them. y is this happening? cant i even hav some1 to listen to mi? izzit really tat hard? i hate my life.
juz now went downstairs wif mum to vista point. i told her about mi fren able to get allowance from his parent eventhough his working and doesnt need to giv money to his parent. and she told mi, blame urself for being born in this family. y blame myself? y not u? u hav a live and dead road to choose? y u rather choose dead road? there's one live road juz beside it and u dun wanna choose. i dun understand. tat's wad i replied. she juz sighed.
cong, i quit drinking beri long liao. thx though.
wad is the best way to end a person life? wifout pain and suffering. coz the pain i had now is already painful enff to torture mi. i dun wanna add on anymore pains.
``\\ Loving you is all bout mE //``
