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Wednesday, March 08, 2006
will not leave. it will be there for as long as tat person live. and to some ofthe ppl out there, they say sry r not sincere too. seriously, i dunno y u kept saying sry to mi, it does not make mi feel better. does it makes u feel better after saying it? i dunno bout u coz i dun understand u. so dun ask mi to figure itout. i dun understand anyone out there even myself. i dunno wad i wan in my life.i have no targets, no goals and no future. i doesnt wan to giv up but im forced to.did u ever understand mi? i felt tat u onli understand the way i tok and not theway im feeling. no one actually noe how i really feel. and some ppl even tryingto act as if they're beri gd tat they said: "I know how u feel, i went thru thisbe4 too. Everyone hav different probs. There's bound to be ways to solve the prob."They're not mi, they dun even wif mi for my whole life. they just came into my life,for awhile and left some footprints and out they go. does they really stay wif mithruout all my life? no. not even my mum. i onli live wif her for all my life, butshe doesnt noe how i felt. tell her how i felt rite? if its u, will u be able to describe wad u really feel deep inside ur heart?
sometimes i hope tat she could let mi noe wad she wants. sometimes, she told mishe wan this, its seems like shes joking. and sometimes, she said she dun wan this,it seems to be joking too. i really dunno wad she really wants. how can i ever understand her..herheart kept changing. she sometimes say wan this, and awhile later say dun wan. its really beri blur.she seems cant decide it well.. im trying to understand her but how?
freaking mum. remembered i said she went to tell 2nd aunt bout she's able to pay for my sch feesfor ITE? well, she can. but she didnt even think of how i gonna survive. she onli think bout whetheri can enter. after i entered, i dun hav allowance. how to eat? and she said she could giv mi allowance.if she can, y she now kept asking mi to pay for her this and that. if she can, she'll be able to payfor it liao wad. i didnt take any money from her for past 3months liao lor. if the 3months she didntgiv mi she should hav some money liao wad. its like at least 500dollar lor. where izzit? and now shesay she can giv mi go study? STUDY SHIT! big far liar. say wad i will become like HIM. ITS U WHO RMORE LIKE HIM! GO GAMBLE TILL NO MONEY AND BORROW NON-STOP! AND OSO ACT AS IF U BERI RICH! CAN AFFORDTHIS AND THAT HUH? always rely on 4D/toto hoping to get back money. but u didnt ever thought of how much u spent. im sure its at least $10,000 already. 1week at least $10. for 10+ yrs. COUNT URSELF!really fed up. my this coming pay which is tml, thru my calculation i'll onli have $270. and i got topay my HP bill of extending $100. pay ivan $50 and im left wif $120 for 2weeks to survive. and shewan mi to borrow her $40, and pay another $48 bill. wtf? i left wif $32? eat shit huh? nnb. this isimpossible one lor. wtf. wif $32, i eat maggie mee everyday? coz EZ-LINK cost mi $20 for 2weeks juz to go work and back home. $12 to buy maggie mee huh? nnb.. dun think of continuing study le. thiskinda mum who didnt thought of wad gonna happen after i entered education r not really useful to relyon. i rather rely on myself. really pissed off by her. and giv mi those fucking sad looks! I MAY FEEL HURT BUT I CANT DUN EAT RITE? I HAVNT BEEN EATING FOR 2DAYS TILL TODAY I ATE DINNER ONLI! WTF!NO ONE KNOW LOR! IM BEEN STARVING BECOZ I DUN HAV A SINGLE MONEY TO EAT! NNBCCB.. I JUZ KEPT MUTELIAO LOR..KAO..
``\\ Loving you is all bout mE //``
